Wednesday, November 18, 2015

What they don't tell you

Becoming a mother is an amazing a wonderful thing. Getting that positive pregnancy test is both pure joy and overwhelming. For me, pregnancy itself was nothing short of miserable. I was sick almost the whole time and pretty uncomfortable however the end result was totally worth it. When people talk about being a mother they tell you how wonderful it is, how their children are the best thing that has ever happened to them. The love is like nothing they have ever experienced and it brings true happiness. All of these things are absolutely true, I love my children more than life itself and would do anything for them.

What they don't warn you about is how painful it is to be a mother. The thing about loving someone more than life itself is when they are hurting you are hurting, when there is nothing you can do to stop the pain for them it is almost unbearable but you can't let them see that. They don't tell you that when you have this person that a part of you, a piece of your heart walking around this earth, you don't know what fear is before them. Fear that you will fail them, that you will fail yourself. How will I ever be ready to see them suffer disappointment or heartbreak? Then there are the crippling fears, fears of sickness or injury and worst of all fear of losing them. I don't spend my days constantly worrying that I will lose them but when that thought creeps in to my mind I can't escape it, it is debilitating. I have come to realize I cannot imagine a world where my children were no longer here. I do not know how I would ever go on without them.There are so many wonderful things about being a mother and I would not trade it for the world but there is a lot more to it then that. Being a mother is the most painfully wonderful thing I will ever do.

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